THOUGH THE SORROWS MAY LAST MANY NIGHTS, JOY COMES WITH THE MORNINGS...

I have to say that it has been a rough last two months (to really put it quite mildly) and there were some bad situations that increased and piled up so much that I thought my husband and I were actually going to crack and go clinically insane.  No, for real, I am not kidding...Then all of a sudden, something happened that really shocked me and made me stop in my tracks (in a good way), even though I shouldn't have been surprised as it's happened to me too many times to count during my lifetime.

What is this strange happening, you ask???????

One day this week on my walk to work in the -30 but "refreshing" weather, I was thinking about stuff...I have been REALLY struggling with my emotions, my health, all our past job losses, my husband's health, lonliness, depression, money issues, and dealing with my dad's passing away and being so many miles away from my family.  You name it.  Even the fact that we are always moving around everywhere and don't have a real home yet.

It was all making me into a person I never thought in a million years I would be and I just couldn't take it anymore.  Like a roller coaster or a nightmare that you can't escape and it sucked me in.  

The few nights before were the worst that I ever had (with maybe 2 hours of sleep each night and then off to work.)  Anyhow, on that morning walk, I had a chat with God saying sorry for a lot of things that I had a part in, like hurting the people that loved me the most by the things that escaped out of my mouth and that I just gave up caring about.  I told him that I was sorry for all the anger, rage, hate, bitterness, resentment and stuff that was so ugly.  I felt better pretty quick and then went about my day.

Later on as I was waiting in the car in the parking lot of my husband's ex-job, I started to cry my eyes out really hard, like everything was just hitting me so hard.  And I had only cried one other time really hard in the last 2 months since my dad had died.  I kinda screamed to God, "GEEEEZ, ENOUGH ALREADY!!!! GIVE ME A REASON TO LIVE!!!"  Because you can be that honest to God; not to anyone else, mind you.  Well, I guess now I am being honest with all my readers.  Darn it all...

The truth is we can't always hold it together, feel perfect, master the world, take everything on our shoulders.  The pressure it not something a human can handle.  And God never meant it that way either, right from the beginning of all time.  It's hard to be honest, but it's better to be true to yourself and maybe help someone along the way that is going through similar things.  And help is there from other people whenever we need it, through even conversations with my mother or brother or in-laws.  Heck, even friends' wonderful encouraging comments on Facebook.  And soon, to be able to talk to a priest, pastor, counsellor or other ways of dealing.

Five minutes after my utter desperation prayer in that parking lot, my husband came out of the building smiling and almost skipping and jumping.  He looked so happy, like I had never seen him in such a long time.  With that alone, I was kind of surprised how fast honest cries out of the heart work!! God hears any type of prayer (long or short, quiet or loud) and he always answers me when I need him the very most.  It could be through big or small things.  Long story short, many managers truly apologized to him and begged him to come back to his job that he loved.  This is after two months of stress, fighting the fact of us being called liars about my dad's death, then everything was fine when we went to BC, then on his return there was harrassment and lies and gossip, which was so bad that it resulted in him walking out quitting.  And he is the most peace loving guy you will ever meet.  And it was discovered that there was only one person responsible really.

Then all these good things in the space of a half hour happened like being able to cash his small cheque right away (as none of us had been working), being able to buy urgent medication and stuff we both needed, knowing my husband has a job to go back to when he is better and things actually dealt with, nice people responding about helping us find a good place to live, so much encouragement from our priest (who barely knows us but he is wonderful), and for the first time in YEARS being able actually have health and life insurance (from my new job right away.)  And when I am well again, can go back to my music and guitar playing, which I love.

There are a lot of things lately that I had come to realize.  The people in our tiny little town are so incredibly nice, everything is so cheap here, my job is close to our current place so I can walk (well, I would have to as there is no bus system here!)  We have a roof over our heads, can borrow our friends' car, food to eat, solutions that pop up to seemingly hopeless problems, family back home that are even closer now due to all the issues that we have gone through, and last but not least a wonderful husband that is there for me when I need him. Oh, and a cute canary bird and two cats of our roomates that are more like too-smart-for-their-own-good little children (despite my severe cat allergies that are under control most of the time.)

Some of my favorite songs that really sum it all up are "Trading My Sorrows" and "Blessed Be Your Name".  Here are some You Tube links to them:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXi5iq1zAl4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLycgKxlgc0&feature=related

P.S.  We all go through different times; up and down and up and down...(Maybe my moods are more like bi-polar, but oh well...My hope is that you check out some of my other posts for something you can relate to, some funny stuff, some bible stuff, and topics on many different things???  Hopefully, no matter where you live in the world and what you believe or agree with, there is one thing that you can take away for your own life.  

THANKS