SOMETHING I GOTTA GET OUT OF MY SYSTEM...

We all have a right to our own opinions and ideas about God, church, and faith, so here are a few of mine that I have kept to myself for just too long.  You gotta be true to yourself and honestly I am just trying to express my heart and my hurts.

1.  I am so SICK AND TIRED of other Christians that think Catholics are the Anti-christ or evil or hypocrites. I am sorry for any of you that have had any negative experiences with us, but get over it and confess it to God and move on with love instead of judgement.  And, I on the flip side have had negative experiences with other Christians, so don't think that ANYONE  is perfect.  You know what?  At the core of my faith is what is at the core of yours too.

HECK, this all even applies to people that are not Christian at all in any way.  I respect everyone, no matter what you believe.

2.  I have read my bible my whole life (I can quote you but just not great at where to find it sometimes) and gone to prayer groups and love Christian music and have felt the Holy Spirit just as strong as anyone.  I was very active in youth ministry at my home parish, music ministry (we did LOTS of praise and worship music; shocking!), I directed the Alpha course many times and was very involved in everything, because I wanted to.  Because, the stuff we do comes out of our love for God and our heart for others.

3.  I struggled in high school and later on a bit, but for the most part, I grew up in church.  And my mom drove me nuts and took me to all these Christian conferences and speakers when I was young, because as of then, there was not much around our area for Catholics.  Didn't scare or intimidate us in any way, as we were secure in our FAITH and love in JESUS.  I am very blessed indeed to have a mom who was my "Paul" and brought me up really deeply in my faith.

4.  How come I will go to anything like Christian concerts, other church service events, etc, but other Christians will RARELY come to anything similar that a Catholic, heck or even Anglican will invite them to or even want to listen to the joy and love that we have experienced.  That is SO not being open and loving and filled with Jesus. I like modern stuff, but I also like traditional stuff.  We can't be closed minded to one or the other; there is so much beauty in both.  That would mean that old hymns should be thrown out and new music should too?

5.  Our aim should not be to convert anyone to any building, it is about finding faith in Jesus and where you feel led to be, even though I have truly found the fullness of my faith where I am.  I can say this because I "left" the Catholic church and church in general on and off for almost a year.  My world was crumbling, I was mad at God and hated everyone I came across, and wanted to just do my own thing and live how the rest of the world did.  Thank God, that he did not let me do anything too stupid or wander away too far.  Then, had a wonderful life changing event at a Christian church and went that way for a certain number of months.  I had truly lived and breathed both sides, if you could call it that, and really understood how sometimes misunderstandings and ignorance gets in the way.  

6.  I feel sad for anyone that thinks they are the greatest Christian ever but still hold so much bitterness and resentment and hate against any past Catholic or Christian friends, family or other hurts.  They have not dealt with it with God, because if they did, they would feel truly free and not carry around this big burden of hate.  You can have a bad experience in any type of church, with any type of person, in any walk of life.  Why don't you hear about that?  I feel for you, but you gotta deal with it and move on either way and see ANY DENOMINATION or Christian as your brother and sister in Christ.

7.  Catholics are Christians.  Christian means "Christ-like" and was first used to name the early church people.  The term Catholic was also used pretty early on as well, as it means "universal".  Don't attack others especially if you will not even bother to share your common beliefs, listen to others point of view, read good stuff about the early church, the apostles, Jesus, or history.  Think for yourself; not because someone is standing up there and talking.  I know many people that were Pentecostal and even Pentecostal ministers with their own churches that became Catholic and brought their dynamic zeal to their new church and are using their awesome knowledge and talents to liven things up.

8.  If a Catholic or Christian doesn't know what the heck they believe or why they go to church, because it is routine or a family thing? they should think about making a decision.  When you die, and go wherever you think you are going, maybe Jesus will be there (ha) and he won't know who you are and you can't hide behind anyone or anything.  It is all about HIM.  You can't love everything opposite to God and God at the same time.  If there is a church that is boring or whatever and you are not involved at all, try to make some friends, go to a potluck, bible study, look at the bulletin,...WE are the church and our job is to use our gifts and talents to inspire and build up everyone.  Don't just sit and be miserable; even if you have to drive an extra 20 minutes for a church family you love and are connected to, it is so worth it.

9.  I love Matt Maher, who is a very well-known Christian music artist.  His music is very inspiring and beautiful, but what rarely any one knows is that he is a very solid and Jesus-loving Catholic.  See, he wants to touch souls and help others regardless and not let judgement and pride get in the way.

10.  Don't judge or you will be judged.  Isn't that what Jesus said?  I (and our churches) owe so much to the vibrant bible-believing Christians that are out there that brought us awesome music and an example of being totally committed to God. It is not extreme to throw away all your booze, drugs, crap on TV, selfish lifestyle.  In fact, it is probably the best way to live your life as a Christian. That's hard.  There are so many wonderful Christian people that helped me and changed my life when I was away from church and started going back again. I love them.  They brought me food when I was on my own and had no job and no money and sick family back home and so much stress.  And laughs and long talks and good times.

And it was then that I remembered all the love I received in my then 32 years from my Catholic church family also.  That a Christian is a Christian as long as you believe in Jesus as the one that saves us by his death on the cross from so many things past, present, and future.  That the bible is real and relevant, and like one saint put it, ignorance of the bible is ignorance of Christ.  And that that when I miss church on Sunday (like lately due to bad sickness and blizzards), it feels like missing something so important, like my next breath, that will make me so happy when I next go.

Christians aren't perfect; just forgiven.

Just Some Bible/Inspirational Stuff for You...

Some totally random Sunday bible thoughts for you, as I can't think of anything to write of my own; just yet...

1 John 1 (The Message Bible)

 ^1-2From the very first day, we were there, taking it all in—we heard it with our own ears, saw it with our own eyes, verified it with our own hands. The Word of Life appeared right before our eyes; we saw it happen! And now we're telling you in most sober prose that what we witnessed was, incredibly, this: The infinite Life of God himself took shape before us.

 ^3-4We saw it, we heard it, and now we're telling you so you can experience it along with us, this experience of communion with the Father and his Son, Jesus Christ. Our motive for writing is simply this: We want you to enjoy this, too. Your joy will double our joy!

Walk in the Light

 ⁵This, in essence, is the message we heard from Christ and are passing on to you: God is light, pure light; there's not a trace of darkness in him. ^6-7If we claim that we experience a shared life with him and continue to stumble around in the dark, we're obviously lying through our teeth—we're not living what we claim. But if we walk in the light, God himself being the light, we also experience a shared life with one another, as the sacrificed blood of Jesus, God's Son, purges all our sin.

 ^8-10If we claim that we're free of sin, we're only fooling ourselves. A claim like that is errant nonsense. On the other hand, if we admit our sins—make a clean breast of them—he won't let us down; he'll be true to himself. He'll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing. If we claim that we've never sinned, we out-and-out contradict God—make a liar out of him. A claim like that only shows off our ignorance of God.

1 John 2

 ^1-2I write this, dear children, to guide you out of sin. But if anyone does sin, we have a Priest-Friend in the presence of the Father: Jesus Christ, righteous Jesus. When he served as a sacrifice for our sins, he solved the sin problem for good—not only ours, but the whole world's.

The Only Way to Know We're in Him

 ^2-3Here's how we can be sure that we know God in the right way: Keep his commandments. ^4-6If someone claims, "I know him well!" but doesn't keep his commandments, he's obviously a liar. His life doesn't match his words. But the one who keeps God's word is the person in whom we see God's mature love. This is the only way to be sure we're in God. Anyone who claims to be intimate with God ought to live the same kind of life Jesus lived.

 ^7-8My dear friends, I'm not writing anything new here. This is the oldest commandment in the book, and you've known it from day one. It's always been implicit in the Message you've heard. On the other hand, perhaps it is new, freshly minted as it is in both Christ and you—the darkness on its way out and the True Light already blazing!

 ^9-11Anyone who claims to live in God's light and hates a brother or sister is still in the dark. It's the person who loves brother and sister who dwells in God's light and doesn't block the light from others. But whoever hates is still in the dark, stumbles around in the dark, doesn't know which end is up, blinded by the darkness.

Loving the World

 ^12-13I remind you, my dear children: Your sins are forgiven in Jesus' name. You veterans were in on the ground floor, and know the One who started all this; you newcomers have won a big victory over the Evil One. ^13-14And a second reminder, dear children: You know the Father from personal experience. You veterans know the One who started it all; and you newcomers—such vitality and strength! God's word is so steady in you. Your fellowship with God enables you to gain a victory over the Evil One.

 ^15-17Don't love the world's ways. Don't love the world's goods. Love of the world squeezes out love for the Father. Practically everything that goes on in the world—wanting your own way, wanting everything for yourself, wanting to appear important—has nothing to do with the Father. It just isolates you from him. The world and all its wanting, wanting, wanting is on the way out—but whoever does what God wants is set for eternity.

^24-25Stay with what you heard from the beginning, the original message. Let it sink into your life. If what you heard from the beginning lives deeply in you, you will live deeply in both Son and Father. This is exactly what Christ promised: eternal life, real life!

Live Deeply in Christ


 ²⁸And now, children, stay with Christ. Live deeply in Christ. Then we'll be ready for him when he appears, ready to receive him with open arms, with no cause for red-faced guilt or lame excuses when he arrives. ²⁹Once you're convinced that he is right and righteous, you'll recognize that all who practice righteousness are God's true children.

Cinderella, Spam, and God...

Knowing my posts, you are either thinking, what the heck?  These things just don't go together! or Hmmm, she sure has such wierd titles sometimes, I wonder what this one will be about?

One of my favorite stories as a kid was Cinderella, and then it became one of my favorite Disney movies later on for many reasons. When I was a kid I read and read and read so much, but when I got older I just couldn't sit still enough to read and there were always a million crazy things, ideas and plans in my head that everything about me was just too busy to read.  Then I became a lazy movie person; while everyone else had read the books first and then seen the movies.  Nope, not I.

Cinderella always had perfect beauty queen hair, with no tangles or bad hair days and never any roots from hair coloring.  But, she lost her mother so young, loved her dad but he died too early, had an evil stepmom and stepsisters, and had to do the crap of the crap of the housework (like sweeping "cinders" as if that was so 2010).  That wasn't enough though.  She also never had any money or an allowance, so that could have meant no new or good clothes, not going out in public much, few friends (but little talking mice and animals), and just saw nothing good ahead for her life at all.

Sometimes, I can relate to her.

Then everything changed in the twinkling of an eye.  Her long lost godmother, who she hadn't ever met due to dysfunctional family issues, suddenly appeared to help her in her time of need.  She was a super nice lady, really pretty, and plus she was an actual fairy with fairy powers.  Just what she needed to zap all the people who were mean to her.  No, I mean she never did that because fairy tales and cartoons were a lot simpler back then.  Wow, a story with no revenge.  Huh.  She just wanted to go to the big party at the castle where she would be transformed into a princess and dance with her prince charming, who would later become her husband.  I think actually it was her godmother that totally changed her life around.  (And I am a godmother, so I am kinda partial to that way of thinking.  Plus, she was the one that did lots of the work on Cinderella.)

Anyhow, about the spam thing, which you probably thought I forgot, well I didn't.  I was just trying to picture how to fit it in.  It has to do with the cinderella email address which was awesome as a name and something important to me, but I guess due to the cinderella part, it attracted about 30 spam emails a day.  Oh, they ranged from make a million dollars at home in your pyjamas in a month, to win a free this or that (which you have to make tons of purchases online to even qualify for), "bad" photos, specials to enlarge this part or that part of you.  My favorite one is from the many billionaires holding the estates of their late grandfathers or uncles in Uganda (that are in high positions in the government) and need your bank account so that they can  legally transfer money to you and think you are the biggest stupidest sucker on the whole earth.   Or that you won some lottery in the UK, when the email looks like a Gr. 3 did it with tons of spelling mistakes...

Then I thought about Cinderella, who had some life-changing events and then her happily after after in the magical kingdom of Disney.  She had a totally fresh start, from rags to riches, or from cleaning up animal poop in the house to becoming a real leisure woman and princess.  So too, I had wanted a tiny start to a new me and decided to back away from my cinderella email address when I had some positive life-changing events not quite a year ago.  It was trying to be out with the old and in with the new.  So then I slowly merged into thenewmaria which became like a reminder to me.

Sometimes, thenewmaria doesn't act or talk or think like the new maria that I should be and sometimes I do.  Sometimes, there is one huge gigantic thing that happens to change the rest of our lives and we never ever forget or turn away.  Mostly, it is a lot of little things through our whole lives that change the way we live, good or bad.

Right now, I am still Cinderella, but I am her in the later stage of the castle.  The times when she remembers her father long gone and all the memories and laughs when she was little; the good times.  The times when she is lonely and empty too. The times when she wonders and worries about the future.  The real human Cinderella.  She is not the perfect housewife, mother, friend, or daughter.  And we don't have to be either.  I have to remember time and again that we can't keep the weight of the world on our shoulders; there is someone to ask that can take off the weight and everything that you go through.

Even the fairy tale Cinderella had some type of hope despite her problems, and beat the odds.

God only knows my heart and if I happen to be really struggling and lost, not to forget that he is right there and only a prayer away, like they say.  He is only a word, a whisper, a breeze, a ray of sunshine, a melody away.  My goal is to not make you see him as an old-fashioned and cruel tyrant that watches your every step so he can pounce on you and make you suffer the minute you mess up.  Or the one that is up in the clouds, like a fairy tale or a distant and unrelevant fable.  Or even the one that will be your friend as long as you keep all the rules and do all these good things so that you can maybe get to heaven or just avoid hell, if that exists. can be his friend and get into heaven one day, hopefully.

In the middle of my bottomless pit, when sometimes it is all I can do to say his name, read a line of the bible, or just even think about God, he is there right in the thick of it all.  I am trying to think more how he relates to us like a loving father (even if you never had one like that on earth).  He loves us more than anything else in this world and tries to point us in every right direction time after time, but when we get old enough to choose, he is even more loving to allow us to pick between him and everything else that looks so much better and brighter.

On my own road to my own personal type of recovery, God is my loving father.  Like when my own father was alive, he doesn't care as much about where you have been, but where you want to be going, your hopes and dreams, and if you want to include him in your life. And he is happy when I do.

HMMMM...Thought I'd write on HOPE...

First I thought about love, then I thought about bible quotes, then I thought about the ones about HOPE, which are really a trillion.  I thought I would just sum it up by one of my favorite psalms in the bible. I put a version from the Message bible and the other from one of my regular bibles, for the language I am used to and go mainly by.  Both just different ways of thinking.  I like old and new...


PSALM 34

 ¹ I bless God every chance I get; my lungs expand with his praise. 
 ² I live and breathe God;
   if things aren't going well, hear this and be happy: 
 ³ Join me in spreading the news;
   together let's get the word out. 
 ⁴ God met me more than halfway,
   he freed me from my anxious fears. 
 ⁵ Look at him; give him your warmest smile.
   Never hide your feelings from him. 

 ⁶ When I was desperate, I called out,
   and God got me out of a tight spot. 
 ⁷ God's angel sets up a circle
   of protection around us while we pray. 
 ⁸ Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see—
         how good God is.
   Blessed are you who run to him. 
 ⁹ Worship God if you want the best;
   worship opens doors to all his goodness. 
 ¹⁰ Young lions on the prowl get hungry,
   but God-seekers are full of God. 

 ¹¹ Come, children, listen closely;
   I'll give you a lesson in God worship. 
 ¹² Who out there has a lust for life?
   Can't wait each day to come upon beauty? 

 ¹³ Guard your tongue from profanity,
   and no more lying through your teeth. 
 ¹⁴ Turn your back on sin; do something good.
   Embrace peace—don't let it get away! 
 ¹⁵ God keeps an eye on his friends,
   his ears pick up every moan and groan. 
 ¹⁶ God won't put up with rebels;
   he'll cull them from the pack. 

 ¹⁷ Is anyone crying for help? God is listening,
   ready to rescue you. 
 ¹⁸ If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there;
   if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath. 
 ¹⁹ Disciples so often get into trouble;
   still, God is there every time. 
 ²⁰ He's your bodyguard, shielding every bone;
   not even a finger gets broken.
 
 ²¹ The wicked commit slow suicide;
   they waste their lives hating the good. 
 ²² God pays for each slave's freedom;
   no one who runs to him loses out.


PSALM 34


 ^1 [a] I will extol the LORD at all times;
       his praise will always be on my lips.
 ² My soul will boast in the LORD;
       let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
 ³ Glorify the LORD with me;
       let us exalt his name together.
 ⁴ I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
       he delivered me from all my fears.
 ⁵ Those who look to him are radiant;
       their faces are never covered with shame.

 ⁶ This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
       he saved him out of all his troubles.
 ⁷ The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
       and he delivers them.
 ⁸ Taste and see that the LORD is good;
       blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
 ⁹ Fear the LORD, you his saints,
       for those who fear him lack nothing.
 ¹⁰ The lions may grow weak and hungry,
       but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
 ¹¹ Come, my children, listen to me;
       I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
 ¹² Whoever of you loves life
       and desires to see many good days,

 ¹³ keep your tongue from evil
       and your lips from speaking lies.
 ¹⁴ Turn from evil and do good;
       seek peace and pursue it.
 ¹⁵ The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous
       and his ears are attentive to their cry;
 ¹⁶ the face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
       to cut off the memory of them from the earth.

 ¹⁷ The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
       he delivers them from all their troubles.
 ¹⁸ The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
       and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
 ¹⁹ A righteous man may have many troubles,
       but the LORD delivers him from them all;
 ²⁰ he protects all his bones,
       not one of them will be broken.

 ²¹ Evil will slay the wicked;
       the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
 ²² The LORD redeems his servants;
       no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.



Why try to re-invent a great thing?  Sometimes, bible and poetry just seem to say it all...

Such a good blog I found!!!!!!

This one really encouraged me....

http://gregorynsmith.blogspot.com/2010/01/baptism-of-lord-opening-our-christmas.html

My Death to Life Experience at Rise Up Conference...

Well, after I got back to Manitoba from my father's funeral (last post) it felt strange.  Like I was leaving him and everyone else behind again, even though I know where my place is.  Back to the same room where I got the news, just staring at the walls, feeling numb to the whole world, with no purpose for anything, even taking showers and eating.  I mean for me that is strange too, as I love to eat, so when I don't, then I worry that something is seriously wrong.  Like I was someone else and I was on the outside looking in on everything.

The week I was down there seemed like perhaps the deepest week of my life, despite everything.  And it was as if God had protected all of our hearts with some special invisible barrier, or else we would have all broken down like a bunch of crazies; that's for sure.  There were some good family moments and some good faith discussions that made us think of the real meaning of life and things that comforted us together, but after that, there we were back to regular life away from it all.  Away from the realness?

I did the music and sang at church at Christmas Day, but then realized why it was far from my best. (I so bombed it due to some allergies, my guitar, and hard notes, but that was another story...) Because my heart was not in it at all, even though I did try to re-connect to Jesus becoming man again for our love.  It was a quiet day but at the same time I felt ok knowing my family was having a crappy time too.  Like at least we were all in unity.  I had actually forgotten that (apart from my mom) I didn't call my brothers or the kids in the 3 weeks I was back.  It was like that same deep dark depression and sadness had taken over me and I didn't know who I was again.

I kept asking myself when am I going to have a big huge breakdown as I had barely cried; just here and there and still felt in shock, due to some circumstances.  It was then I arrived at the Rise Up Conference in Winnipeg for the last week of December, put on by CCO Canada (Catholic Christian Outreach).  Basically, they are a 20 year old, non-profit organization that is across Canada on various campuses and other events big and small to reach young Catholics and inspire them with the Jesus message.  And training at the same time, so that after having their lives changed, can be equiped to spread that joy with others one by one.  Instead of just going to something nice and then coming home to the life you had before.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=371221&id=630030223&l=7aecbc37ea

I will just say that is was beyond amazing to be in a huge ballroom with 500 young adults that share your beliefs in some way, small or big, from many places all over Canada.  To a person that has gone to so many workshops, retreats, and conferences, I realized that big life changes can happen many times in one lifetime.   We can never have enough, because like how life had turned my world upside down and made me rethink everything, I needed a fresh start again...and again...and again.  It was little by little and talk by talk and song by song that really made such a big impact.  When I first got there, I could barely move; all I could do was sit there and not a word came out of my mouth, plus I missed the first evening of talks and had to wake up early, which I was so not used to doing.  It took me a while, but it was God filling me up with new stuff to help take away chunks of pain and sadness that had taken up more space inside than it should have.

Like darkness to light, from death to new life, from old turning into new, I was finding myself slowly again.   There were things I was inspired to do, dreams I was inspired to dream, and life that was not all about death anymore.  Even with a super duper high fever in bed during the New Year's party, my cousins came up to pray for me and I felt a light coolness come over me that somehow made me make it downstairs to join the party for a few hours.  And people that party from 5pm to 3am non-stop with no booze; wow...ok...

Christmas lasted longer this year, as it seemed God wanted me to experience what I thought I had so missed out.  Sometimes it is your heart and your relationship (or issues) with God that crowd out everything else that seems unnecessary.  There are so many things that like the parable of the sower and the seed, that tell me about the seed that just fell however it did on rocky bad ground.  Some of the seeds sprouted up but never lasted, and some of them just died on the spot.  Although I feel like them alot, when things come along and stomp on the seeds and crush them and blow them away with the wind, I want to be different.

I want to be like the seeds that landed on the really good soil and the good ground, that no matter what came up, it grew strong and had deep roots and such life and nothing was able to stop it from growing into the most beautiful, full, green and huge tree that people can enjoy and little animals can make their homes in.  Who will never be perfect but always useful and never giving up.  So, I am just taking things as they come and know that I can handle it with Jesus' help a little more this time, because how do I know that God allowed me to go through something that to someone else, would shatter them completely.  He knows time can heal all wounds and forgiveness is key and he is something more dependable than we are.