Friday, September 25, 2009


Ha; that got you!  And not for the faint-hearted.

"Oh, there she is writing about "religion" or Jesus again..."  (By the way, I don't bare my soul like this at parties or sporting events, you know.)  Some people get mad when you talk about God or Jesus and want to hear none of it, yet they believe in seeing their loved ones in heaven, or believe in God somewhat, and maybe even go to church regularly.  That makes no sense to me, but I could be in the slow lane?  Do some think they are "religious" but do not know the God that is personally behind the prayers and the sermons?  Well, as I was thinking aloud (as my family knows I always do), I have to admit that in hostile days, I was resistant to lots of "religious" things and remember basically telling God to leave me alone and that I wanted nothing to do with him or church anymore. 

Well, this post is sure different than I meant it originally, but 10/10 for honesty...I totally respect the people that don't even believe at all as they live the way they believe at least and still respect my thoughts and me (because I am their friend first and foremost and just because I am Maria...)  And well, I have edited this posting about a half dozen times.

How do those other people believe in heaven and life after death and God, but have no idea how to get there or if they are even going to join in.  Writing consumes my life, not only because I have been writing since I was 5, but because I believe what I do now determines my eternal destiny, and maybe just maybe one other person to my experiences.  I don't want to party like it's 1999 (just kidding) and do what I want and wait till I get up to the pearly gates expecting to get in.  'Cuz then Jesus  won't even know who I am and no one up there will know me either and what do I do then? 

Not against having fun by no means, I just think about how I live more now and more since having lost several close relatives in the past 2 years. 
Some days inspire me more than others; like this morning at church with the new priest at St. Joe's (Hispanic).  Looks like just a super nice regular dude and not old (if you know what I mean), as he looks under 40 for sure.  The only thing I know is that he was in the U.S for a while and was a lawyer before becoming a priest.  You would have never guessed it by the way he blew me away with his enthusiasm and love for Jesus, humility and genuineness.  The whole mass and gospel reading became more alive after his sermon and it felt like it was my first mass ever.

I have been having amazing and deep experiences lately at church, especially when I sit after in silence (adoration) in front of Jesus in the host in the side chapel.  Yesterday, it hit me how the King of the whole world is right there in front of me and then right inside me in that little round host.  If I did not believe it and feel it and experience it so, then I am actually a strung out wacko that is worshipping and praying and talking to a little piece of bread.  Is something just true for one person and not another?  How can one sit in church and feel nothing and someone else feel the entire kingdom of heaven come down around the altar?

Sometimes I sit and ask him the deep questions in my heart or bring him my struggles and pains.  Sometimes I hear clear answers when I am truly silent, but always it is communicating with the only one who really understands my heart and knows me. 

My heart was not always open, but God still manages to always get his girl.  It's all about Jesus, whoever you are, and either Christianity is real or it isn't.  Yup, it's hard in certain ways when everything you see is so against it, but at least I can't complain about being thrown to the lions, in jail, shipwrecked, being murdered, or tracked on the run like the show "Mantracker."  In those days, they suffered it all because of their real belief in the person of Jesus.

A while ago when I was surfing the internet, I found some cool info on the early church in the year 50-100 AD (approximate) that I didn't know at all and surprised the heck out of me.  I found actual whole texts of their church services and it was pretty much the mass as we celebrate today from start to finish.  WOW.  It was a whole lot longer surprisingly and had parts where the leader would say something and then the people would say, "Let it be so and Amen."  The wording was olden day language of course, but there was something very beautiful and true about it.
I will have to post the links on them later as I am at the library and can only open one screen at a time.  Kinda like Christmas to type and sit at a screen that is like an HD TV versus my tiny 7" laptop screen. 

Well, off to the conference tonight and Saturday and spending more days with my mom at home.  She is coming along pretty good (except the eyes still) and I say she is good when they let her out on "parole" and my brother jokes that she is in the "spa".  Free room and board, meals and dessert, bath once a week, and the nicest adjustable bed ever that my dad keeps saying he will have to steal for when she is ready to come home.

Everyday is a good day to be alive.

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