|Recognize this poster from my office!?|
I remember starting this blog in 2009 and planning to write a bit of something close to every day. Well, I did pretty good for a while and then life just got in the way too much. The things that I seemed to loose out on in life took away my spark and just about killed any motivation I had to share anything with the outside world. I now realize that many of my dreams had died either a sudden death or a slow and painful death. You give up because there is so much loss and so much heartache and you feel like just a shell of a person and empty inside. I stopped writing because I believed the many lies that filled my head.
Since that time, there have been many battles that I have had to overcome (inside and out) that would take way too long to write in one post. But the truth remains that life does get easier. There are bad times, but then there are good. There is death, but then there is new life. There is sadness and heartache, but then there is joy and love. There is despair, but then there is hope. Wait; this sounds pretty familiar. Like the words of St. Francis of Assisi:
The Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi
Lord, make us instruments of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let us sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is discord, union;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master, Grant that we may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console,
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
But, what really inspired me to writing again on my blog after 10 months is thinking about how much family and friends (including my friends at RPC) have helped me just by being themselves. I think most of them will never know what a big hug, word of encouragement, email, fb message, or prayer has done for my soul and my heart. And it always seemed like it was just at the right times and at my lowest. God always sends people and things your way, but you have to be open to seeing and hearing them. Sometimes it takes a while to get to the next new phase of life, but it feels really good to be on the upward climb and not always the downward.
Recently, I was pretty down and pretty sick for a few weeks. The sickest I have ever been in my life and that scared me. I knew for some reason that it also acted as a wake up call because I had stopped caring about many things and was not taking care of myself as I should. It was a mixed blessing in disguise to help me start to take charge of my life and to be better in so many ways, both for myself and for others. The biggest thing that came out of that through some events I had gone to recently, is that it made me have hope again for my future and a special love that I know waits for me somewhere according to God's design. I can't go back and change the past, but I can look ahead to a fresh start, because we all have a million fresh starts. Our lives renew itself all the time and is never the same.
And the totally random thought that made me start to write today was about love. I was thinking about what love is and how good and helpful people around me is the best solution to the other people that are very negative and judgemental and critical. I realized in my own past that I was looking for love in all the wrong places and in all the wrong people because I just didn't have much of it in my own self and for my own self. Past mistakes taught me that I had gone into situations because I didn't want to listen to the still small voice of God telling me no. I thought I knew better that God and I was afraid of being alone and unloved.
LOVE IS THIS: Being able to be yourself around someone on good days and bad and still feel safe and loved. Being able to speak your mind and share your heart and be listened to and never rejected. To be around someone that naturally motivates you to want to be a better person for yourself and for the other. To be loyal to the end, putting the other person first and only wanting the best for them. For someone to know you so well that few words are sometimes necessary. You don't have to be high and mighty and super popular around true love. Love is words that warm the heart and actions that build up the soul. To walk down the road of life hand in hand together against everything that comes.